1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
2. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? 3. Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
4. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self-help" section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
5. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
6. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap? 7. And whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
8. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 9. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide...is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
13. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
14. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
16. Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
18. Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
19. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers
20. If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
21. Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?
22. Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
23. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
24. Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
26. If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
27. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
28. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
29. Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
30. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
31. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
32. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
33. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
34. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
35. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
36. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
37. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
38. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
39. Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
40. "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
41. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
42. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
43. Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
44. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
45. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
